Have You Ever Dated A Real Zebra?
Have you ever dated a guy who was a sweet talker? I’m talking about the guy who knows just how to charm a hard candy into a mushy marshmallow. Mr Charming himself could take a lesson from him!
Have you ever dated a girl who claimed to be a home girl but when you weren’t looking her name was known on every dance floor in town? These people are talkers. They just talk and talk, but don’t ‘walk their talk’.
Talkers that are not walkers are empty vessels and make lousy partners.
What particularly grates my cheese is when someone says something only because they know that it is exactly what you want to hear. To say something and not mean it, or have no intention of follow through, means you are lying to and manipulating the other person.
Just because I say I’m a zebra doesn’t mean that I’m ACTUALLY a zebra. I can tell you tales of how I chew grass on the fields all day, but until YOU physically see my hooves and my black & white stripes and my tail swishing flies while I’m ACTUALLY chewing grass, you cannot deduce my zebra-ness.
The same zebra philosophy applies to relationships with others. Just because a friend or partner assures you of something verbally, no matter how often they repeat it, doesn’t mean it is true or that it will actually happen.
This is something I’ve learnt from always instantly believing the best in people just from what they SAY. This is a big BOO BOO! Just because a person SAYS something doesn’t mean it is true. Words should be accompanied by sincerity and the fruits of consistent actions, and not just a mere fluttering of eyelids or a flexing of pecks.
Way too many tales were told to my ears. But the saddest part was that I actually believed them – without even waiting to see whether what was revealed lined up with what was said. You name it I’ve heard it! Unfortunately, you name it, I believed it! (to my own detriment!)
As the saying goes, ‘Talk is cheap’. It really is… It doesn’t cost much to spout out a few words and not actually mean them or plan to deliver on the promise that they hold. Actually meaning them requires so much more.
Now I’m NOT saying second-guess everyone and never believe a word you ever hear. But be wise with what you take to heart as fact and truth. A balanced approach is needed.
Hear intentions AND then test for the fruit of evidence. Too often we hope for the best and ignore the lack of fruit. I have made this mistake far too often and have been really hurt in so doing. I battled to understand why the other person was not doing what they said they would. This broke down my trust in that person and in future promises.
I was raised to mean what I say and do what I say. I assumed that everyone was on the same page as me. I’m not saying I always get it right. Sometimes I say I won’t have that slice of red velvet and then I actually do. Tisk tisk.
Regrettably, people are good at putting up facades for various reasons. Physical and verbal masks are not just worn by actors on stage or at masked balls!
Still not getting what I’m on about? Some examples….
Just because he SAYS he loves you doesn’t mean that he is actually ready for loving you. Clearly there is a problem if he spends more time and attention fussing and admiring his own appearance than appreciating and affirming your beauty.
The fruit? Does he have a strong enough sense of who he is to offer something of himself to you.
Just because she SAYS she’s God fearing doesn’t actually make her.
The fruit? Does she actually live a life that seeks out His plan (in her own imperfect way of course), or does she just make flowery Facebook statuses alluding to it, but then treat you like poop.
Just because he SAYS he has dealt with his past issues whilst constantly looking the ex up online, doesn’t mean he ACTUALLY has moved on.
The fruit? No anger in remembrance and no repetitive negative cycles.
Just because he SAYS he will treat you right doesn’t mean he actually will.
The fruit? Consistently treating you in an honoring and caring way.
Just because she SAYS she will respect you doesn’t mean she will.
The fruit? Does she treat you respectfully in public and in private?
Just because he SAYS he doesn’t want to get cozy under the covers doesn’t mean he will follow though on his word. The fruit? Does he respect your physical boundaries and implement honouring ones too?
Talk is cheap. As cheap as chips. (No one wants to date chips?!)
Rather be with someone who isn’t necessarily perfect but who is perfectly willing to honour you, is true to his/her word, has and bears the fruit to prove their vocal sentiments.
If that person is not around yet… Rather stay single then be with an empty vessel that makes lots of noise and not much else. Silence and singleness are golden in this case.
If you want to have trustworthy relationships, say what you mean and do what you say. You cannot expect people to trust you or feel safe with you if you say X but do Y.
Sometimes people suffer from PPS (people pleasing syndrome), but saying what you know the other person wants to hear, because you are a people pleaser, and then not actually delivering on your word, will actually displease people immensely.
Rather under promise and over-deliver.
And if you are one of those that over-promises with words and under-delivers in actions…. Meghan Trainor wrote a song that could apply to you, “Lips are movin”.
You might want to check it out 🙊
underpromise and over deliver indeed!!!
Love this post. I am happily single and expect respect and honesty in my next relationship. That and constant communication. Thanks for the great read once again Cayly.
I’m so glad you enjoyed it 🙂
Glad that you enjoyed it! 🙂